I worry sometimes about being a stay-at-home mom. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE it. But I can sure feel guilty at times when the checkbook has to come out. Especially now with this new roof we're putting on part of the house - why oh why couldn't a mild hailstorm have hit to allow insurance to put this one on. And with Christmas coming up. And with the big car service bill from last month. And with new clothes needed for the kids with Fall and Winter approaching.
I worry because I can't seem to keep my house clean, even though I'm here most of the time.
I worry because I find myself running out of ideas as to what to feed my slightly picky 3-year old and my just learning to feed himself 1-year old. But should I worry if she is happy eating pb&j for almost every meal? And I suppose I'm getting enough vegetables and protein into the boy; I just don't remember at what point I quit giving baby food to Grace and what I fed her instead, so I'm not sure when to make that transition.
I worry because I can't remember things from only a couple years ago (see above).
I worry because I can't imagine having enough time to do something creative on the side to make some extra money (see first paragraph). I get a little depressed when I read another article about a mom that now has an amazing money-making company started out of her home, creating cute little burp cloths or baby clothes or something like that. I worry because I've been telling myself for over a year now that I will (re)teach myself how to knit, but the needles and yarn remain untouched.
I worry that I don't play with my kids enough. That there are too many times when I have to tell my daughter that I don't have time to play school/color/play with blocks/etc because I have to make dinner/get Alex down for a nap/clean the kitchen/etc.
But I do know my kids love me. And that they are healthy and seem to be reasonably intelligent. And are most of the time happy. And I know that I am gladly giving up having up-to-the-minute fashionable clothes and more dinners out on the town in order to have this time to spend with my family. I volunteer for some good groups that benefit both my family and others in the community.
I just read a line in an essay in one of my parenting magazines that said "As a stay-at-home mom, my job is to do Things That Need to Be Done". I feel like I accomplish that most of the time. Sometimes more so than others.
5 comments:
Well I must say that after 8 years I still struggle with the very same thing. Almost on a daily basis. I don't want to work a traditional job, I want to be there, but on the flip side living on one income is tough and seems we never have any extra cash to save. I am constantly trying to figure out a way to make money from home and then I will have a moment of clarity when I realize that money really isn't everything and that what I am doing is worth a lot, even if nobody pays me to do it. Still those nagging thoughts creep back in....
Everyone thinks they can go back to work when their kids start school but I have found that things just get more challenging as they get older. The school wants so much of your time and the kids want you there helping out too. Then the homework....
I could go on and on about playing with them enough, etc. You are there, their constant- that is what is important.
The Women's Lib movement did some damage as well as some good. Mothers feel more guilt now than 35-40 years ago, when you'all were small. You have been told with the "liberated" way of life you can have it all. And you are told to get it all, you must contribute to the check book balance. Having more things means needing more money. Having more things does not mean being happier. Outside pressures of what you should have, or thinking about what others have, can contribute to the restless feeling, to the worry.
From this side of the generation gap, it is probably easy for me to say "don't worry, be happy." The family is what is important, not the things. The things are icing on the family cake, but icing can't cover up a cake that isn't good.
I am so proud of all three of you (J, K & E) that you are staying home and raising your children, that you are not putting them in day care and going out to what you might think is a better career. Believe me, you have the BEST job of all, even on the boring, hair-pulling, dealing with sickies and temper tantrum thrower days. You are the center of your families. You are the glue that holds things together.
I was thinking more about this last night, and I think your mom said it better than I could. Most of my friends that work do it for themselves (and will admit that) because when it comes down to it, it is easier than staying home with kids all day. But what really upsets me (and I had this happen with a friend there in Dallas, and recently here as well) is when people want to dump their kid on you since all you do is stay home anyway. They go to work, what they do is important, what's another kid for you to watch?! But that's another story.
Yes it's kinda tough not having the latest cool thing. The iPod Nano, the Plasma TV, the TIVO (although we may cave on that one soon). It's especially tough when you live at the epicenter of consumption that is Dallas Texas. But I'm still convinced you're (we're) doing it right.
Don't worry that you can't get it all done all the time. You do a fantastic job (yes I know I don't tell you that enough).
LYVVM
Julie - I thought your blog was so thoughtful and moving. I got so weepy reading it last night I couldn't even make a comment. Your Mom said it well - some of the after affects of the women's lib movements did some pretty serious damage to the family and in particular to women who made and are making the choice to stay at home and raise their children.
I was able to be a stay-at-home with Kim and Philip until he started to kindergarten and those were the best years of my life. Even back then in the dark ages I had many of the doubts and stresses regarding budget worries, etc., and was I wasting a perfectly good college degree and teaching certificate and could I enrich our quality of life? But it was worth every sacrifice to be at home with my kids.
Bravo to you! Your kids are very lucky - they will benefit from these years for all their lives and so will you and Jim. You chose the best job on earth - being a stay at home Mom.
And guess what - Now as a grandmother I went through many of those doubts again when I decided to retire almost two years ago - but after spending a day with Cade it once again becomes crystal clear. It's not about the things and money, it's about love and spending your time being able to interact with and share in the lives of the most important people in your life, your family.
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